You're always on my mind. I thought of the times we had at Marina Square. And I can't help thinking I'm yours. Yeah I know it's damn mushy, I can't help but rant it here.

I miss you so much T.T


Broken-hearted.

So much for being friends.

It's the third week since we broke up. Life's still the same, struggling. The second week started off well. Out with friends 5 days straight in a row. It was good. Kept myself occupied so I didn't have time to think about him. Then as the week died down, I began to feel sad and empty. I regretted calling him back when I saw a missed call in my call list. From that day onwards, my mood just plunged down all the way. Hardly smiled after that day. Lately, I have been listening to one of Rapunzel: A Tangled Tale theme songs, I See The Light. I know I know, childish? Probably. At least, I feel more hopeful when I listened to this song. And at least, it keeps my mind away from him.

We haven't been talking. He's not gonna come to my church anymore. Well, obvious reason isn't it? Not to see me so that he can move on easily. It took me so much just to beg him to come for Christmas mass so I could hand him the gift I got for him for Christmas, and a belated birthday gift. Oh well, that feeling seemed to fade off. Perhaps not seeing him might be a good idea. I don't know. I still love him yes, and it would take me really long just to get over and I know that for sure. Cuz after all, he IS my first. And as for him, I know he'll find a new girl in a few month's time, after he's over me. :/



Sad Stephs.

I'm sorry to rant whatever I feel every hour, every minute or every second on this blog. I don't know. I find this sort of like a remedy for me. Each time I pour out my feelings, I feel slightly better. I can't rant it out of Facebook as it attracts too much attention from users or so to say, makes me feel like a weakling. Everyday's a misery. As I have not post entries for ages, I really hope and cross my heart no one reads this blog. I miss him so much. :'(


A Sighing Stephs.

It's the 5th day today.

Last night, I had Japanese buffet with my colleagues at Hanabi Restaurant. It was super filling! And gawd, it was definitely over-priced for me! $35 a person including GST and service tax. I am definitely not someone cut out for buffet, as I don't have a huge appetite. So $35 was definitely pricey cuz I couldn't eat alot. Wasted.

I was just beginning to enjoy myself when I received a text from him to stop texting each other for the time being. And my heart sank immediately when I read the text. The reason I could at least survive for the past 4 days was that I was still able to at least say hello. Now that there's no more such a thing, it's going to be harder. It's so tough trying to put on a smile, knowing deep down the heart is crying out loud. It's really a struggle everyday. Sometimes, I asked myself, am I doing the right thing. The reason as to why we ended seems to be fading off. The same questions popped up the last time when we were facing the same situation, what if he's the right one? Why don't I seem to get the right feeling when I was with him? Why can't I treat him better? Oh God, where's the strength I need the most at this point of time? Where are you? :'(


Broken-hearted Stephs.

It's been awhile.

Today marks the 4th day of being away from him. Still bearing the pain and hurt. My mind keeps dwelling on the memories, making it harder to move on. Memories of making life difficult for him triggers remorsefulness. It makes me feel I'm a horrible person to be with. What's the use now anyway? No point crying over spilled milk. But I can't see myself pulling out from this circle of remorsefulness. Right now, I can't see myself finding a better guy, or least it's out of my concern. :( I miss him very much... T_T